What do you think of hell?  Is it a place for sinners to endure pain/discomfort/sadness forever and ever?  Is it a temporary purification process that eventually leads to Heaven?  Is it nothing more than a scare tactic?  Is it a big party?  Is it just poppycock because there is no God anyway?

There is a very wide range of beliefs, regarding that word, and even more when adding to it the overall concept of what happens when we die.  I grew up in a church and family environment that taught Hell as a literal place of some type of personal torture (not little devils poking people with sticks, but some kind of indescribable pain and anguish felt in complete darkness) that would last for eternity, just as those who are in Heaven will be there forever.  A little while ago, a very close friend (who had been raised with the same ideas of Hell) read a book that cemented himself as a Universalist – an idea, basically, that everyone will end up in Heaven, and that they may (or may not, depending on the individual’s concept) eventually become “saved” like everyone else around them.

I, personally, have found no validity for a Universalist outlook, according to what the Bible says, but I recently discovered another concept that is almost a middle-ground of this newer idea and how I was raised… and I think it’s very interesting.

I was reading through the book of Daniel the other day, and something stood out for me.

Daniel 6:10 (NASB)
“Now when Daniel knew that the document was signed, he entered his house (now in his roof chamber he had windows open toward Jerusalem); and he continued kneeling on his knees three times a day, praying and giving thanks before his God, as he had been doing previously. ”

This was his response to the decree signed by Darius that outlawed praying to any unapproved god.  There are many lessons to be taken from this verse, let alone the entire book, but what was pressed upon my heart was the fact that he prayed three times a day.  These weren’t casual prayers as he went about his business – he put aside time to spend with God three times each day.  This was customary for him, but as I thought about that, a phrase came to mind:

May God be first in all that you do.

That sentence just kept pulsing in my head.  It’s an interesting concept, one that I think most true Christians would consider right on, but what does it mean in practice?  My thoughts kept returning to the thrice-a-day prayers of Daniel, in the face of certain death for doing so.  At the root of the matter, it was a priority above all others, for him.  The “great” people of the Bible weren’t so because of any other reason than that they put God first in their life.

There are many aspects of what this can mean, but what got me thinking about it was in terms of my private life.  Do I set aside quiet time to talk with God three times a day?  Do I barely manage to do it once?  It’s a matter of priority that I hope to continue to shift.  My Bible reading took a HUGE hit when I got mired in the bog of poetic and “instruction” books, but when I saw that I had hit Daniel the other day, my excitement for it suddenly came bounding back.  I’m eager to be reading again, I have taken the topics of my prayers into a revitalized consideration (as mentioned last time), and now I’m hoping to make more time in my life to dedicate to it all.

I hear the hoodlum in the back of the class shout, “…but you’re unemployed, all you HAVE is time,” but that has absolutely nothing to do with it.  I don’t care how busy or empty one’s life is, if something is important enough to you – you’ll make the time to do it.  That’s how you can tell what a person values, by what they put first.  Even if it’s a job to pay the bills, that is their priority, and as I said, that’s what this is all about.  As a personal endeavor, I hope to stretch myself even further in putting God first in every day of my life.  I think He kinda deserves it.

P.S. – Since writing this entry (a couple of days before the post date), I have found myself in a downward slump. Yes, the unemployment, restlessness, and loneliness get to me, but I see no coincidence in the fact that these issues began to drag me down into an unhappy state JUST after I made this personal rededication. The enemy knows me well, and with a couple of lies, he can prey on my weakness – in this case, the Mark Mushakian classic of low confidence from being not good enough. Just thought this was a valuable coda to the post… a reminder to be ever aware.

I was out for a walk in my neighborhood yesterday, praying as I went, and I had a smiling little moment with God.  It’s no secret that I often have a hard time accepting myself as myself – that being Mark Mushakian occasionally feels more like a burden than a blessing.  Now, that’s absolute rubbish, a complete lie from the enemy, but it does still creep in from time to time.  After spending time in my prayer asking for forgiveness and being thankful for this life, among other things, I moved on to more personal things, and I was probably influenced by that feeling to pray for what I did.  I charged God to remember His promises for this Christian life, that those who ask receive, and I began asking for boldness – one of those aforementioned parts of being me that I sometimes get down on myself on for lacking.  Haha, oddly enough, this feeling had more than likely sneaked in by way of a completely innocent commentary on Facebook about aspects that define the average male… aspects I don’t quite fit .

So, as I was walking and praying, I started on the topic of being a more bold person – a trait that is inherently not me.  I was lost in thought as I walked, and just as I had said the word “bold”, I was startled by a bark and a golden retriever bounding toward me from the front yard of one of the house I was passing.  I was happy to stop and say hi.. but as I stood there in the street scratching her (a she, as I later found out), I was looking around and didn’t notice anyone outside with her.  There was no collar/tag, either, so I didn’t just move on.  She seemed a little off… like she’d been trapped out of the house for a couple of hours, or something, because after a few moments of scratching her head and talking to her, she sat down and leaned into my legs… like my little old lady used to in her older years.  She was whining with excitement, too, and her tongue was hanging pretty far out of her mouth – so I thought she might be without water on the hot day, too.  So, we went off to find her house.

House 1 had nobody respond to the doorbell ring, though the dog was very eager to try and get in, so I thought that might be the place.  We went around to the side, but I couldn’t see how she might’ve gotten out of the backyard, so we went next door.  She seemed pretty pooped, so I took us to the next house, to see if they knew the dog.  Still no answer, but this time the dog laid down on the shaded entry and didn’t want to keep going with me.  I contemplated getting out a hose from the house, to see if she was thirsty, but while I stood in the driveway, I saw a car drive by and stop 2 houses down.  The dog stayed put, and I jogged over to ask the lady about her.  As we were talking, the dog came bounding over to us, and she knew who it was immediately – Roxie.  We walked Roxie down to the end of the street, where her neighbor lives who lets her out all of the time.  The gal was outside greeting her husband who had just gotten home, and said that Roxie had only been out for a few minutes – though with how she’d been acting, that seemed like it might’ve been a slight miscalculation.  It wasn’t a big deal, though, and all was well.

As I walked away from the street, though, I couldn’t help but smile.  Just as I was asking God for a strength that He did not choose to already bestow upon me, I was put into a situation that called on many of the traits that He DID give me.  I didn’t strike up interesting conversation with these people, or lead the dog everywhere as some dynamic alpha leader.  I just showed the dog love and patience, I was there for a little hug and a lean, I helped out in a situation that wasn’t big and exciting, and I went on my merry way.  I’m not saying that improving oneself is bad, and I will continue to strive to do so… but God created us to be who He wanted us to be – even if it’s what we don’t always want .

It was a personal moment.. something I may not have expressed well here, but it IS here as encouragement, for any other Christian who might find it, to keep an eye out for these little reminders in life.  God’s promise is that He will always give us what we need, even if it’s in the form of a wandering dog that reminds us of who God made us to be.

Last year, I had an idea for a short movie about the son of Nintendo’s famous Luigi character.  A screenplay never came to fruition, but the story concepts were, of course, very personal.  It was about a guy who resembled his dad, but saw that as a horrible thing.  Like my little rebellious stick-man pointed out, yesterday – I have dad issues .

A great deal of what I’m going through now is a direct result of that mentality in my own life.  I didn’t want to be my dad, so I pushed myself really far in a direction that didn’t actually deal with the issues, but buried them.  I’m in an interesting place of coming to terms with the phrase “I am my father’s son”, because in some ways it’s nothing bad (a similar facial expression here or there) and in other ways I’m finally dealing with it (all those darn emotions).  I was walking yesterday, though, and I had a very interesting thought pop into my mind…

He’s not my only father.

As I’d mentioned, I’ve set myself up to read through the Bible in 90 days.  I’d miss a day or two, but catch up without a problem.. sometimes going further than necessary.  It’s not a deep study, but a refresher, of course.  I had no problems, until I reached Job.  That book slowed me down a bit, but I managed through okay.  Then I hit Psalms… and I’ve almost completely derailed.